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The Dilemma: Problem Child!

My son, who is now 4, is a difficult child. He's hot-tempered, won't pay attention and won't do what he is told. He had a rotten year in nursery school and his teacher and his pediatrician both say that they think he has ADD. I don't want my kid labelled and I don't want him to take medication. I think we can deal with his behavior with patience and hard work. My husband is siding with the pediatrician and we are arguing about this. Should I go along with everyone else or should I trust my instincts?

A Solution: Give This a Try. . .

My brother has ADD and didn't get diagnosed till he was 17. He had a hard time all through school that might have been preventable with help--even if the help had just been my parents knowing sooner. I would have him tested before I decided anything. A neurologist here locally highly recommends a natural remedy called Nuro-Boost for ADD/ADHD. It can be found in any health food store and is all natural. It doesn't cure it but it provides some of the missing chemicals/nutrients/etc. caused by the disorder. It might be worth trying or looking into and it's cheaper than Ritalin (and healthier). You can email me if you want.

A Solution: Show Me Perfection. . .

Honey, go with your instincts. Do not give your child Ritalin, or any other type of medication. My son who was 4 at the time was also a difficult child. I was told to have him tested for ADHD. I would not. This went on until his 3rd grade when I finally got tired of hearing that my child was ADHD. I took him to a psychologist, who told me that he was not ADHD. He told me that my son was a normal healthy 8 year old. He is now 9 almost 10, a good student, and there is not any trace of any behavior problems. So you stick to your guns, he will grow out of it. If not in a few years, then have him tested. 4 year olds are naturally hyperactive children. Show me a 4 year old who is a perfect child and I have a swamp to sell you in Arizona.

A Solution: Been There, Done That. . .

Been there, done that, heard it all! My sonwas also diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 4. We delayed medication for a year while we read books, tried the Feingold diet, tried literally everything. In desperation, we finally agreed to just TRY the medication - we made it VERY clear to the doctor that we would stop it the second we felt that it was not helping or that it was making him a "zombie" as everyone told us it would. Both my husband and myself have chemical dependency as traits in our families, and will barely give our kids an aspirin, we are so terrified by "drugs" of any kind. The proof was in the pudding. This difficult little boy who wanted to very much to please, to "be good" but was totally frustrated by his inability to control his impulses changed in an hour. He sat through a church service, quietly, but not in a "drugged" state. When I saw the difference, I was ashamed of myself for delaying and causing him to "suffer" his disorder without help for a year longer than necessary. He will be 17 in September, and has done so much better than we ever expected. It is true that ADHD is now the "great American catch-all" for problem kids. It is true that many kids are misdiagnosed. It is also true that ADHD is a very real disorder, many kids truly do have it, and can get help. Without the help, they lead unsuccessful lives. My advice is this; read everything you can get your hands on - I particularly recommend, "Helping Your Hyperactive Child" by Dr John Thomas. It's written in layman's terms and offers many options; diet, meds, checking for sensitivities, etc. Get into a support group if there's one in your area. Learn, learn, learn. Then, go to a specialist, not a GP. And then, take an honest look at the situation, discount what others may say or think, consider it as an "illness", rather than a "crutch", and make your best "mom instinct" decision. Good luck, God bless, and if I can be of any help, e-mail me. ADHD runs in families, and although our middle child is must sever, our oldest was also medicated during his school years. He graduated from Marine boot camp on July 4th, is completely med free and doing great!

A Solution: See a Doctor. . .

I highly recommend you have your child seen by a child psychologist who may spend more time with your son than his pediatrician did. My step-son spent an hour a week with a psych. for 6 mos before he recommended medication. Only after much evaluation and some fun, and relatively easy "tests" did we agree and understand our son would benefit from meds. Your son is young still and you may want to wait and see how his Kindergarten teacher view his "behavior". You are right that children like this need patience, but when in situations where other children begin to shun a child, or a child KNOWS he is "different" due to ADD, medication can be very helpful. We have seen some improvement in our child's self-esteem in school, and socially since last year. Medication should never be the ONLY treatment for these kids. They need to work on using their "brakes", as my son's Dr. would put it. With encouragement and love from their parents, children with ADD/ADHD can thrive and feel good about themselves. Good luck.

A Solution: You Are Lucky. . .

You dont know how lucky you all are over in the USA at least it is recognised and treated. We in England have to fight tooth and nail to get help. The Schools dont beleive in it, they would rather exclude children that help them. The GPs dont like giving medication once diagnosed some GPs wont admit there is a problem. the Psychiatry/Pschology Deptparments are very few and far between over here who beleive in this disorder. I would accept any help. My Son was diagnosed with ADHD last year aged 12yrs he has lost out on 7yrs of schooling because he was not given the correct management he was thrown out of schools for what . Just because he hummed and walk around and could concentrate. you would have thought the signs were there they would have done something to help. He is 13 now and is still struggling even now he is diagnosed the school is still not living up to there part and I am afraid my son will be another statisic at aged 16 I dont want that and as a mum you wont want that for your child also.

A Solution: Read This Book. . .

There's an excellent book out there called "Raising your spirited child" It's been a real life saver for me. My older son is four and sounds quite similar to yours. That book has helped my husband and I realize how our personalities conflict with our son's. We have been pouring tremendous effort into him. I don't like the idea of drugging someone in order to get them to behave a certain way. We have recently sought a counselor who believes that ADD is over diagnosed. He believes that 15% of the kids could be called "difficult" and one of ours falls into that category. We're learning new ways to deal with him and feel that we're making some good progress. Our society is too busy looking for a quick fix to everything. Marriages take a lot of work on both sides; healthy meals take planning and a little extra work; and I believe most behavorial problems can be worked out as well.